Back to work

It is so easy to do too much and expect too much of ourselves. Let me confess I often fall head first into this trap.

I have very high expectations of myself, and it is easy, way to easy to push myself so hard that I don’t even know when to stop.

I constantly juggle work, home, kids, church, school, business, finance, neighbours, special needs support groups, charity work, meetings, cleaning, shopping the list goes on and on. I often feel like I have somehow managed to get myself onto a treadmill that can’t be slowed down. I feel like I just have to keep going because if I don’t then… I don’t even know what will happen.

Its important to keep things real, and part of that is acknowledging when things are too much.

Since the summer I have known that I was burnt out and needed a break, but because of the crisis at work, everyone was putting in 110% and it just wasn’t fair or realistic for me to take annual leave. So every day, and for far more days than I should have, I would turn up and keep trying to give my best and to keep up, and every day I was less effective and more overwhelmed.

Until suddenly it was all just a mess.

Why am I sharing this? well because I know I am not the only one who does this, who feels responsible for everything, who takes on too much, who has forgotten how to say “No”. It happens too easily, we take on things one at a time and the world sells us the lie that we can have it all, we can do it all, we can be all things to all men.

That we are supermums who can do the impossible.

Its not true…

I am learning (the hard way) to set boundaries, to know when enough is enough and to stand my ground.

I have had 2 weeks at home, trying to get my head together. I have rearranged my furniture because that always makes me feel better, and I have taken some time to enjoy small things like decorating the tree with the kids, and sharing a meal with our neighbours, and watching a few episodes of Miranda.

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This week I have gone back to work with a clearer mind, and more realistic expectations of myself, I have moved my desk to a quieter and more brightly lit location where I am hoping it will be easier to work, and I have reduced my hours so that I have one guaranteed full day at home every week.

I have to remind myself that it is important to look after me as well. I can’t be a good mother and wife and employee and everything else if I am limping along half exhausted. So once again I am going to give myself a fresh start and attempt to do less.

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