Saturday, trampolines and feeding therapy

Until recently I have hated Saturdays, I have been trying and failing to balance the tiredness from having worked all week, with the desire to do something fun and healthy with the kids.

I needed to find something affordable which would tick all the boxes (yes, I know that’s kind of not actually possible but I needed to try). I really wanted something that would contribute to Charlie’s sensory diet, get us out of the house and away from the computer screens, be sociable, affordable (did I already say that?) and suitable for both children. I also desperately wanted to use the time to work with Charlie on messy food play. It’s not like I was asking for much???

The need to find the right thing was driving me crazy, and I was often left feeling deflated and deeply unsatisfied with whatever new thing or place we tried. There would be meltdowns in new places, sometimes the kids often just me. We are all so busy during the week and the sense of urgency to make Saturdays count was beginning to get on my nerves and I in turn was beginning to get on everyone else’s nerves.

About 6 weeks ago we were encouraged by a friend to try leaps and bounds, which is a trampoline club especially for kids with ASD and their families. I find it scary trying new places and seeing the noise and chaos of the other kids when we got there I must have had a similar expression to a rabbit caught in headlights. But in we went anyway, and thank God when we got in there I spotted some of the friendly faces of the other wonderful ASD parents we have got to know over the last year.

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The kids enjoyed their first session they had 3 or 4 turns of jumping, and while they waited there were plenty of other kids to play with, space to run around and soft play blocks to build with or hide inside. The teachers are lovely and are great with the kids, helping them and teaching them new moves each week.

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When we got home they were happy and calm and relaxed, now you can read all you want in sensory books about the benefits of this kind of proprioceptive input and how it regulates kids nervous systems, but to see the change in action is something else. They are almost like different children.

A few hours after getting home from our first session Charlie asked if he could play in his slime! Yes play in slime, this is almost unheard of, the slime was a prize he had won in school weeks before, once he realised how messy and sticky it was he was absolutely not interested in playing with it. It had sat on the shelf in the living room for weeks until this happened.

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Over the weeks we have noticed again and again how the massive dose of proprioceptive input from being on the trampoline, has a huge impact on Charlie for hours afterwards, which is great because it is giving us lots of opportunities to work on feeding therapy / messy food play afterwards. We are doing our best to follow the SOS feeding therapy method of introducing Charlie to new food experiences, we use this alongside “family style” meal serving and division of responsibility at mealtimes.

Charlie’s SOS feeding programme should consist of regular sessions involving a huge amount of regulating activity, heavy work, proprioception, deep pressure, followed by some fun activities involving food. Its hard to manufacture this in an artificial way, especially when we are all tired and I am feeling anxious, but this new Saturday routine seems to be working really well for us at the moment. In the hours after trampoline club Charlie is really really happy to have a go at food prep or messy play, it is fun to watch him relaxed and happy having a go at getting his hands and face dirty.

This Saturday we made Chocolate rice crispie cakes, everyone enjoyed the activity, Charlie helped lick the bowl clean, and got chocolate on his face, another first. What was also interesting was that hours later and the next day once the effects of trampoline club had worn off he wasn’t one bit interested in eating the finished product.

 

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I’m finally starting to look forward to Saturdays, the added bonus is that while the kids jump and play I get to spend lots of time with my lovely new friends. Did I tell you about all the amazing parents I have met since Charlie’s diagnosis? Honestly these are the people who save my sanity, wonderful, beautiful, honest, quality people, one of them took this photo of me….

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Good News – We are getting a statement.

We received some really good news today from the SEN education department at the council. An e-mail confirming that Charlie will be getting a statement of special education needs, and that for now they will be naming his current school in the statement.

For anyone who is not in the UK, a statement of special educational needs is the legal document which sets out the help a child with additional needs must get in school and without which it is impossible to access special education.

We are so pleased to have gotten this far so quickly. I know lots of parents are being told that its impossible or unnecessary to get SEN statements or that their children’s needs are not severe enough, so I just want to write this to encourage you to keep fighting and keep trying because its not impossible.

I want to say a huge thank you to our advocate Stuart from S&A Education support who has been supporting us through this whole process, and without whom I don’t think we would have made so much progress.

I’m so happy that Charlie can stay in his current school, until a place becomes available in the specialist ASD school, he is so happy and settled in there and is really doing very well. The staff and the management are amazing and we are slowly getting to know some of the other parents which is great.

I was surprised how relieved I felt to get the news, I don’t think I realise how much the stress of not knowing what would happen next was affecting me.

I think I will sleep well tonight –

Sarah x

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Finally, I have a food thief

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Yesterday the funniest thing happened, I was sitting down with a cup of coffee for 5 minutes and I decided to have a sneaky treat. I just love these yummy caramel waffles and have found that I can buy the in Aldi at less than half the price of some of the other places that sell them .

I was just tucking in to my moment of self indulgence when I heard Charlie’s little voice say “ooh, I would like to try some of that mummy!” When I got over the initial shock I handed him my treat, he took a really small nibble of the edge and declared that he liked it, and that he would be eating the rest of it.

So it was goodbye caramel waffle and hello food thief.

My husband remarked how it was just like having a one year old who suddenly became interested in pinching his parents food. Charlie has never done that before and so missed out completely on that eating milestone. I remember when he was small telling the professionals “he doesn’t steal food from my plate” I wonder if they understood that this is something kids are supposed to do?

Charlie has made great progress this month trying out different types of breads. Last week my lovely friend bought him a new type of mini gingerbread man which he asked if he could try this morning, he enjoyed the packet he had and has taken another 2 packets to school with him.

Last week his teacher told me that he had taken the class to the park to feed the ducks, he gave all the kids 50:50 bread to use, but instead of feeding the ducks all the kids including Charlie ate the bread and the poor ducks went without.

So onwards and upwards…Let hope he keeps going with his new found interest in other people’s food.

Special schools for special kids?

I wanted to write this post because I have come across a few parents recently both in real life and on the internet who are in the process of deciding on a school for their special kids. I see fear in their eyes and hear it in their voices, and I know, I really know because I was there too, no so long ago. In a place where you have to make a decision with so very many unknowns, and such huge potential consequences.

There is so little known in the wider community about what special school are like on the inside, and I keep seeing that for those who don’t have children in special-Ed there seems to be a fear of these schools, at best that these school will hold our kids back or at worst an impression that they are like 19th century institutions.

Choosing the right school for any child is a tough decision, there are so many variables and unknowns, and every school and every child is different and has different needs. I admit that the idea of not sending Charlie to the same school as his sister was extremely painful for me. Last spring during a very well managed ‘transition’ we went to look at Charlie’s current school 5 times on the first 3 occasions I cried.

This wasn’t what I imagined our lives would look like, it wasn’t the dream I had of my kids being in the same school, with their wonderful little cousins, growing up together sharing experiences and teachers.

This wasn’t at all how I imagined things would turn out.

But, at some point I had to get beyond myself and my dreams and see that what was best for my kids, might not look like my dream.

There is a strong push to keep our special kids in mainstream education for as long as possible. Some children really are better off in mainstream education, in large classes, and busy lunch rooms, with lots of opportunities for interactions with lots of different people. And some schools can make inclusion work really well, others can’t and the kids suffer as a result. I’m often asked, couldn’t he cope in mainstream? I’m sure he could ‘cope’ but who wants to cope? school isn’t about coping its about living and learning and making friends and having fun.

For us, even though Charlie had enjoyed his time in mainstream nursery, I had to think long and hard about how much energy I had left in me to fight for help for him in school. How much energy did I have to be the one supporting the school and helping them to understand his needs. And so as painful as it was we took a leap into the unknown and accepted the place we had been offered in an assessment unit of a special school.

Charlie’s term dates are longer than Lillie’s, she is a little star, and on his first day, even though she wouldn’t be going back to school for a whole week, in a show of solidarity and to help him understand what was happening she got up and put her own school uniform on. We all took him and dropped him off for his first day at his new school.

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Charlie had only been there a few days when the head called, to tell me that she was “interested in Charlie’s sensory processing disorder” and that she had organised for a local specialist OT to come into the school to train the whole staff on sensory processing! I cannot even put into words how different this felt. For years we had been in a place where even the special needs coordinator would tell me that because Charlie was well behaved and compliant had no difficulties. She once said ” you will never get a diagnosis” and would tell me that sensory processing disorder is not a recognised condition, that there were no funds for additional support even for children with a diagnosis of ASD or that other children needed it more.

This school is as different as night is from day, they have taken his sensory diet and are using it enthusiastically. They bought him a mini trampoline, out of school funds, to use in the classroom. They have agreed to give him protected lunch times where they will only offer his his safe foods, and one to one support with exploring new foods at other times.

Charlie has been in the assessment unit for 6 months now, it is managed by a special school and run just like one. The have small class sizes, and helpful friendly staff. I have to say that although hard accepting a place there was one of the best decisions we have ever made. Charlie is making great progress, both academically and socially he loves the school and he has lots of friends.

A few weeks ago I was struggling with something else, and to get out of myself I decided to write to Charlie’s school to thank them for everything that they have done to help and support I am sharing this letter, because I wanted to help anyone who is considering special ed to be a little less fearful about what the future may hold.

Dear staff

I just wanted to take a minute to write and say thank you so much for everything that you are doing to help and support our son. To let you know how happy he is at your school, and how this is having such a positive impact on our family.
Before we came to this school we had become accustomed to having to fight tooth and nail for every little tiny accommodation, we were given no extra support, and even the people who were supposed to be on our side would let us down failing to turn up for important meetings, not keeping to written agreements they had made with us and not returning phone calls. We often felt that nobody listened to our concerns or took them seriously. I know many many other parents who are still in having these kinds of problems and I have to say that the staff at this school make a very refreshing change to this situation.
Each member of staff that we have met has always treated us fairly, they have done their very best to listen to our concerns and help us. The staff are relaxed and competent, friendly and helpful. They always have time to stop and talk with the kids and parents. They never come across as defensive, too busy or uncaring. The children in the school reflect this positive attitude, and our son has made great progress in many areas of his development since joining you. He has become much more confident and his ability to communicate has improved significantly. It is a joy to hear him talk about “all his friends”. He loves going into school and I know that he feels safe and happy in there and he is learning lots of new things everyday.
We are grateful for the fact that the teachers and staff treat all of the children as individuals, and that even though there are children in the school with far greater needs than our son they never dismiss my concern’s or his needs as being insignificant. This is especially important to us because his disability is kind of hidden and not obvious when you first meet him and we are regularly faced with disbelieving uncaring attitudes. We want to say thank you for the efforts you have made to both understand and accommodate his sensory processing difficulties. For the training you organised for the staff, the equipment you have provided, and the extra support you have given him with his eating.
We are grateful to Mrs K who is supporting us in finding a suitable place for our son to continue his education when his time in the assessment’ unit comes to an end. We hope that when he does eventually move on at some point in the future that he will be as happy as he is here and will receive the same high quality care and teaching, although I have to say that this school will be a very hard act for any other school to follow. We want to say how we are both thankful and relieved that Mrs K helped us to finally see an educational psychologist, after 2 years of us banging on doors and getting no answer, having the report from the educational psychologist is like having a missing puzzle piece that we have been desperate to find.
We are also grateful to Mr D, Charlie’s teacher, for the love and care he shows the kids, for all the hard work and attention he put into their education. It is a delight to see how he engages with the children and how much they love him. It is great that Charlie has such a positive male role model during his early years education.
We have found this caring attitude from the school staff extends even outside of school hours. One night we were struggling to find ways to encourage Charlie to eat in Mcdonalds. When Mrs H one of the teachers from blue group arrived in the restaurant with her family, she very graciously took time out of her family meal to sit with Charlie and encourage him. It is hard to put into words how much something like this which may seem small, actually really matters.
Please be encouraged that you are doing a very important job and in our eyes you are doing it very well. Whilst we know that this is what you are paid to do we also know that positive attitudes, love, care and understanding are things that money cannot buy. Being part of this school is a huge blessing to our son and to our whole family.
Thanks Again
Sarah, Will, Lillie and Charlie
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Funny blue bird

Good news everyone, today we have welcomed a new member into our household.

His name is currently “Funny Blue Bird” as we let the kids name him, I think we may shorten it to “Blue” at some point in the near future.

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After school we all went to the pet shop together to choose him

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It was VERY noisy in the pet shop

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We had to buy him some food and a toy

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and be responsible for carrying the box carefully with 2 hands

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We had to take turns

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We welcomed him to our house…

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And showed him his new cage

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The cat is very interested in her new house mate.

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Welcome…”Funny blue Bird”

“Bring Grandma” Family-Centered care

‘Family-Centered care’ it sounds so simple and so obvious.

But why it is so often completely ignored and misunderstood by the system?

Maybe it’s because the system that we are caught up in wants to treat everyone as an individual, I don’t know.

But we don’t exist alone, we exist as families, live and work and play, hurt and suffer, win and lose as families.

The family unit is like the body of Christ described in 1 corinthians 12:26 “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” If one member of the family is struggling with a hidden disability then every member of the family is affected in some way, it is impossible not to be.

The system seems say this…

“we will help your child in school, you will help your child at home”

Then it says is this…

“We will tell you what to do and you can do it on your own.”

and this

“There is no money for therapy, you are your child’s best therapist”

How can this be the best way to help? How can this be right?

I spent much of the first 4 years of Charlie’s life asking for professional help, for someone to recognise Charlie’s difficulties as real, for someone to step in and help and to be the professional. I had never heard of Family-Centered care, but I did my best to try to explain that that was what we, as a family desperately needed.

Everywhere I turned I was told NO, I was told that my expectations were unrealistic and that what I wanted was simply not available. I don’t easily take “no” for an answer but by this time last year, I was so incredibly frustrated, my heart was broken and I was exhausted from trying to get blood out of a stone. I hoped that getting a diagnosis would change this but honestly, as I found out much to my disappointment, it changed nothing.

But something did change, and Thank God it did because truly I was reaching breaking point.

This time last year when we were planning to meet an OT trained in sensory integration for the first time, she told me to “Bring Grandma”.

She felt that if Grandma had some time during the week when she was caring for Charlie then she should be involved in his therapy too. Radical – I know but so simple and logical, and having grandma there at that first meeting has paid massive dividends. Why? because Family centered care is so important, because families are important and because anyone who is not part of the solution can quickly become part of the problem.

Charlie’s ASD presents as “mild” or “high functioning” because of this we were told again and again by teachers and professionals that his difficulties were our fault. We were sent on parenting courses, told to discipline more, be stricter, even to starve him into eating.

If I could single out one way in which Sensory Integration Therapy impacted my life, it is that every single therapist I have ever met has treated me as part of the solution, not as part of the problem. It is so refreshing to spend time with someone who gets that your child’s difficulties are not caused by you.

In August, I read this in Lucy Jane Miller’s book Sensational Kids p61

Parents who are living with sensational children need support. They want confirmation that their children’s problems are real and difficult to live with and are not the parent’s fault. They yearn to hear that they are doing a good job and that their efforts on behalf of their children are important. Parents of children with visible handicaps get a lot of support. Parents who have a child with the “hidden handicap” of SPD need support too, but are likely to be met with stares and demeaning comments when their children act differently than other children. 

In family centered care, parents and therapists become partners who assume different but essential roles. The parents identify priorities and are the experts on their child; the therapists measure progress toward the established goals and are experts in therapeutic technique. Using a family centered model, parents and therapists together use a specializes way of thinking about everyday life in order to achieve the goals that reflect the family’s culture and values………………….

……………Just keep in mind that family centered treatment is the standard of care for intervention and is widely available. There is no reason to settle for less

When I read this I cried. There it was in writing, exactly what I needed, and exactly what I had been trying to describe to everyone for years. It had a name, and there was no reason to settle for less.

We are blessed, because our family is so supportive, and because we have finally found the family centered care we were looking for.

There are so many families, still struggling to get the help that they need from professionals who tell them that they should settle for less than the best, or worse that their parenting is the cause of their child’s difficulties.

There are also families where grandparents don’t get it, where relatives simply don’t understand, but how can they when they are not treated as part of the solution? 

Grandma made Charlie a lovely weighted blanket, which he uses every night, to sleep and can hide under when he needs to feel calm.

Then this happened, and this was awesome…

Just before Christmas my sister took the kids out for a walk and came back with Charlie sobbing crying. She said he had fallen over but was fine afterwards, then about 3 minutes later he started screaming for no apparent reason.

He kept saying that his neck hurt but there was no mark or scratch or sting.

Then we found this tiny little tiny twig in his hood.

Looks like it fell off a tree and landed in his hood, touching his neck on the way past.

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Poor Charlie was so upset, I was sat holding him tight on the couch, trying to get in as much deep pressure as I could.

While my mum (Grandma) was looking for a heavy blanket to wrap him in I heard her say this to my sister…

“It must have brushed him lightly, and tickled or surprised him, The OT said don’t let things tickle him cos it will hurt him, if you are going to touch him do it firmly not very lightly because that won’t hurt him”

Knowledge is power and this is awesome, this is because Family-Centered care works, and no matter what you are told “there is no reason to settle for less”.

A day in the life…

 

So here is is for all of you who haven’t been able to see the original article. I did e-mail the editor and ask for permission to publish this over a week ago, and I have heard nothing so I am hoping that its ok to do this…

If you want to see the article in context you need to visit SI Network and pay the £15 membership fee, its not much and if you are interested in learning more about the therapy we use to help Charlie and how you could use it too I would urge you to join.

SInetwork

Charlie is an early riser and morning person, normally up and wide awake by 6am. Sometimes he has made it through the night in his own bed but mostly he has joined us in our bed at some point. Charlie loves to snuggle, he finds something calming in being under a heavy duvet squished between his parents. 
 “Where -illy?” Charlie asks looking for his beloved playmate and older sister Lillie, but she is still sleeping, and is not such a morning person so we leave her in bed for a little longer. 
 
 We start the day with Charlie’s tactile input. He knows the routine we have done for the last 9 months and happily joins in. “Which arm?” I ask and he willingly extends the right one and laughs. In the quiet of the mornings, he is happy and relaxed.
 
 Charlie loves breakfast. For the last 3 years, he has lived on a very limited diet of Cheerios and milk, toast and butter and certain brands of fruit juice, but today he wants cream crackers and butter. It’s a variation on a theme but still well within his comfort zone. He drinks his fruit juice through a straw, another small adaptation which has become part of our routine, and in my pre-coffee haze, I’m not really thinking about why it helps him, but I know it does. We sit together at the table, I drink my coffee and he munches away happily on the same kind of bland beige foods he has eaten for every meal of every day for the last 3 years. It doesn’t bother him as much as it bothers me, but I try my best not to let him know.

After breakfast if I am awake enough, we do some therapy exercises, commando crawling on our tummies, throwing and catching on our knees- or if it’s dry outside, we might bounce on the trampoline together and pretend to be power rangers. Sensory integration is fun but I’m sure my neighbours must wonder if I am crazy. Charlie wants to play on the Wii or watch TV but he knows that we have a rule that kids are not allowed screens until they are both dressed and fed, ready for school, so he goes to fetch his sister. 
 
 Charlie wears his uniform-it’s a soft polo shirt and we found some second hand well washed school trousers; he still needs some help to get it on but is beginning to attempt to dress independently. We leave his socks and shoes until the last minute before we leave the door, even with his socks on inside out he still finds it uncomfortable, so we try to minimise the time he has to wear them. 
 
 Lillie dresses independently and wants something different for breakfast again; she is as wildly adventurous with her eating as he is limited. We settle on yet another new kind of breakfast cereal. Lillie helps her dad make the lunches, in stark contrast to Charlie she loves variety of flavour and colour, spicy pepperoni is a special treat for her, and she adds some cherry tomatoes and cucumber slices to her box. Charlie’s box consists of only the foods he is comfortable with: more Cheerios, dry biscuits, more crackers, a bag of transformer snacks – currently the only crisp like snack he will tolerate, and a juice box with a straw. The same lunch every day. I’m glad that the school are understanding, and don’t insist on only “healthy” foods. When your child won’t eat in a typical way, it is easy to feel judged by others – even those who mean to be helpful. 
 
 We brush Lillie’s hair and tie it back in a ponytail. I look at Charlie’s hair and kind of wish I could fix it, but there is no chance. When I reach over to move a particularly unruly piece of hair that is sticking out. I am quickly reminded of the rules as he shouts in a voice which is suddenly anxious: “Noooo!! no touching my hair mummy, you hurting Charlie” I apologise and wonder if any of the other parents or teachers will notice that we never brush or wash his hair, or if they notice the slightly wonky hairstyle which is caused by my new found skill of night time haircuts while he sleeps.

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While the kids get their screen time, I get my 10 minutes to run upstairs grab a quick wash and change into my work clothes. By the time I get down my husband has already repeated Charlie’s tactile routine, got the kids into their coats and shoes and we are ready to start loading them into the car. Charlie is ready with his coat hood up and a little umbrella in his hand just in case it suddenly starts raining on the 10 metre walk to the car. We do live in the north of England so this is a possibility! His ear defenders, spare clothes and therapy brush are packed into his school bag. We don’t hesitate or stop during the transition pausing or changing the plan now would cause Charlie to feel more distressed. Loading and unloading the car used to be a major battleground for our family, and would regularly result in one or more of us having a meltdown, and yes sometimes I would join in with the crying too.

I had no idea that wind, rain, socks, a passing truck, or a combination of all 4 could cause so much stress and chaos. I can hardly believe how much progress we have made in the last year. I clearly remember what life was like the days before I had ever heard the words sensory integration, back when I thought that an OT was someone who helped old people to walk or live at home again after a hip replacement. I remember the screaming and the fussing, and I appreciate every little victory we have in ways that typical families may never understand. 
 
 We are blessed that Charlie has a place in a school which understand his needs, the teachers are ready with toast and butter for the days when breakfast hasn’t been so successful. They incorporate lots of soft play, messy play and even swimming into his school day, and they remember that socks must always be on inside out. He has only been given only one year in this school while he is assessed and we had to fight to get it.  We are not sure where he will go next year or if at some point in the future he will be able to manage in the same school as his sister.

My work day is shortened to fit into school hours and I eat my lunch at my desk or in a meeting, so that I can leave earlier than my colleagues to be able to get the kids out of school. I am lucky that my manager is flexible and understanding, I love my job. I work with very needy people, during a time of crisis in their lives, but it is draining and by the time I get the kids out of their separate schools and we get home I am starting to feel it. Lillie chats happily about all her friends and their plans, she complains about doing her homework and the unfairness of spelling tests, as much as I agree with her I can’t let her know. I try to extract some information from Charlie, but apparently all he did all day was “run with Callum.” I dig his link book out of his bag and I am grateful that the teachers take the time to include some more meaningful information about his day in there, I read about what he has eaten, the activities he engaged with and how his pre- reading skills are developing. 
 
 Once home I chase the kids away from the many screens that they are so attracted to. We encourage our kids to do things in our house that other people might find a bit too permissive – jumping on the sofas, riding the scooter indoors, swinging in the loft, attempting to do a headstand or jumping between beds are all good activities, but they still love the screens and it’s hard to find the right balance. 
 
 For dinner my wonderful husband has made Spaghetti Bolognese he is gifted in the kitchen and we love our food, we cook from scratch and include lots of international flavours in our menu. Plain spaghetti along with plain white rice are both recent additions to Charlie’s short list of beige foods which he will eat, but tonight he is not interested in joining us, he asks for transformer snacks, we say no. So he wanders off to play with Lego.

We have learnt not to react; sometimes he will sit at the table; sometimes it is just too much for him, and I know he will probably eat later when it’s quieter and darker and after he has had some deep pressure or proprioceptive input. Our new vocabulary is almost as impressive as the change in our perception of the situation.

After dinner, things look pretty much like I imagine they would in any household with two primary school aged children. The tactile routine continues alongside homework and computers, play-doh and a squabble over which TV channel to watch or some toy that has suddenly become very popular again.

Bath time is Charlie’s favourite; the kids are still young enough to bathe together which is fun. He likes the bath deep and fairly cool. We have taught him to wear goggles and swim under the water face first, that way at least his hair gets wet. On the days that won’t work we let them splash the water as much as possible to get him used to it. Suddenly the deep bath water works it’s magic and he decides he wants to eat the spaghetti. Is it ok to eat spaghetti in the bath? I have no idea, maybe one day when I have time I will call one of my lovely OTs and ask them, but until then I’m just glad that something is going into his stomach. When the spaghetti is finished we let the kids play with shaving foam. Charlie likes the idea of shaving foam, but up to now only in the bath where his body is relaxed and he can wash it quickly off his hands when it becomes too much.

Finally, bedtime comes. We read a story, brush teeth (another small victory) and Charlie snuggles up in his sister’s bed. She has a memory foam mattress which she inherited from us, and Charlie brings his weighted blanket which my very talented mum made for Him. We allow the kids to watch a short Disney film on the old VHS player in their room. We say goodnight and give lots of hugs and kisses. 
 
 I don’t often make plans for the evening. It’s not that I can’t leave the kids with a sitter- they are really very well behaved for other people and we have some wonderful trustworthy friends but I am so very tired by the time that they are in bed. My bed looks so inviting by 8pm that I just give into temptation and get into it. I wonder about the spaghetti in the bath thing but I’m too tired to call anyone, so the question can wait for another day.