On a path of self-discovery

There are lots of ways to learn about yourself, to go on a path of self discovery as it were. I’ve learnt the hard way that having kids is a pretty effective way to accelerate self awareness.

In part this is because they learn for your example very quickly and reflect right back at you all your attitudes and imperfections especially those you either didn’t know about or didn’t want to admit that you had.

They speak the way you speak, walk the way you walk, copy the way you sit or stand and even swear the way you swear.

Oh – my -God, I had no idea that OMG was part of my vocabulary until it came out of Lillie’s mouth, crystal clear. How embarrassing? OMG What kind of mother am I? Why did I teach her to say that? How do I un-teach it?

Sentences beginning with “My mummy says…..” fill me with a sense of dread. The thought these my little super spies are out at school all day just waiting to tell everyone about what mummy thinks or does is just plain terrifying.

If you want to know what I am really like – ask my kids, they will tell you the truth – guaranteed. Second thoughts, it’s probably best if you don’t actually do that.

So…one thing that I have always known about myself is that I love to read, I love to research and my new favourite subject is sensory processing. One day as I was reading away trying to find out more about tactile defensiveness so i could better understand Charlie and I came across this in a blog called So Close,

“It was a fascinating workshop. She started off by asking us whether any of us were sensory defensive and two of us put up our hands. She said she can always tell which of the women are sensory defensive by looking at them. Usually no make up (check), hair very short or tied back (check), non-fussy clothes (check) etc.”

OMG does this woman know me?

I never wear makeup if I can help it, I get stressed out if my hair is not tied back and I always try to have my clothes as comfortable as possible. I thought I was just being me. I have reached a point where I am able to be so concerned with being comfortable that I no longer care at all if other people think that I look boring! Actually I don’t think I ever really cared all that much.

The photo below was taken on a family holiday to Tenerife, let me tell you, this is my idea of hell, I don’t like swimming with fish, and I don’t like the idea of little fish nibbling my feet, this for me is absolutely not a relaxing sensory experience.

As it turns out Charlie is not the only member of the family who has some issues with tactile defensiveness.